We've been having lots of issues with getting our kids to do their chores, be respectful of their mother, and generally be grateful instead of grating. My wife found a book called Have a New Kid by Friday that we have bought and are trying to follow. In essence, it tells us to not be afraid to let the kids fail at small things (being late to school, not getting breakfast, etc) if that is the natural consequence of their actions. Letting them feel the consequences of the real world will help them to understand that people, especially we the parents, will not save them from their choices, so they will have to become responsible for themselves. Of course, you only make them responsible for things that are appropriate for them at their current stage in life.
Well, it sure is hard to do at first. The idea is that the parents can stay calm and let things happen to their kids, but when they do things that irritate you, which is why you bought the book in the first place, it's hard to not get irritated and try to force the issue. It's also hard to know what consequences are coming to the kids for their choices and not try to intervene. In the end, though, I think the book is teaching us as much about what we need to change as parents as it is about what we need to teach our children to change.
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